The Advice shared by A Dad Which Helped Me during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk between men, who still hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - taking a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."